Sometimes the problem is so difficult that the engineer must make unrealistic assumptions to "solve" the problem, as was the case of an inventor describing his solution for an Automatic Chicken Feather Plucker: "Assume a spherical chicken…"

Because these inventions have absolutely nothing to do with an engineer's "day job," there is little opportunity for implementation. Speaking for myself, I have accumulated a set of inventions that will make life better for many segments of our society. Of course, when one works outside his field, and especially when he works alone, some of his inventions solve a problem or create a new capability that is not of sufficiently broad interest to attract investors. Here are a few that, in spite of my enthusiasm, have failed to generate interest among the investment community.

The Headache Generator:

Several years ago, a chemist succeeded in identifying and isolating the chemical in red wine that causes headaches. I proposed a profitable business in providing this substance for sale. A person who didn't drink alcohol could add a small amount to his ginger ale or seltzer water, drink along with the crowd, and wake up with a splitting headache, just like all the others.

The Birdproof Squirrel Feeder:

This feeder is carefully designed to make it easy for squirrels to get at the corn kernels and sunflower seeds but creates an impenetrable barrier for cardinals, titmice, bluebirds, and other pests.

However, this experience has not discouraged me, and I'm really confident that some of my newer inventions will, with the right promotion, find sizable markets. Several are described below.

The Dirty Clothes Compactor:

It's a well-known fact that dirty clothes take up a lot more space than clean ones. As a result, travelers, especially guys, have a problem getting all those dirties into the suitcase. Here is a simple, elegant solution to this serious problem.

Each hotel floor contains a device similar to a garbage compactor. The traveler simply dials in the dimensions of the appropriate compartment of his suitcase, throws in the pile of dirty clothes, and swipes his room key card across the scanner window to turn on the compactor. The clothes are squeezed into the dialed-in dimensions and delivered to the traveler, shrink-wrapped in plastic. A modest charge is added to the room bill. Note that the plastic wrap also confines any perspiration odors.

The Improved Ski Glove:

There are two fundamental shortcomings in the design of currently made ski gloves and mittens. First, they are bulky; so, after putting one on, it is very difficult then to pull the second one on. The other, and more serious, shortcoming is that there now is no sensible way of wiping one's nose. The makeup of the human body is such that when it is cold, the nose runs. This seems to be true for everyone. My new, improved design overcomes both flaws.

A 2-1/2-inch-long tab at the back of each glove/mitten provides an easy grip for pulling the second one on. In addition, a strip of terry cloth 1-1/2 inches wide by 5 inches in length along the top of each glove/mitten provides a convenient place for wiping that runny nose. The strips are attached by Velcro fasteners, so they can be readily removed during lunch or even changed after a long, vigorous, nose-running ski day. This feature also makes it easy for the more fastidious skier to rinse the strips at night.

The Ski Warm-up Facility:

Skiing is the only sport that has a freeze-up period rather than a warm-up before the action starts. The long ride up the mountain sitting on the chair in subfreezing temperatures with the wind howling ensures that the skier will be frozen stiff when he starts down the hill. Of course, many areas have a warm-up lodge at the top of the lift, but the skier has to pole it for a block or more, take off his skis, climb a half-dozen steps, then enter a humid area, causing his glasses and/or goggles to fog up. In addition, if a rest room pause is needed, there are more steps to negotiate in those ski boots—which ain't made for walking! It must be noted that all ski lodges have rest rooms that are above and/or below the main level.

I have invented a complete solution to this set of problems. Picture a tunnel-like enclosure, somewhat resembling a car wash, at the top of the chair lift. A rubber belt moves slowly through the enclosure. Leaving the chair lift, the skier goes down the ramp and into the enclosure, steps on the slowly moving belt, and sits on one of the chairs mounted on the belt. Then one of the handsome male or female attendants cleans the goggles and offers coffee, hot wine, and snacks. On a bitterly cold day, hot air is blown into the skier's unbuckled boots. If a rest room pause is needed, a button is pushed and the skier is switched to a side track (ladies to the left; men to the right) that takes him/her into the appropriate room equipped with facilities that do not require removal of the skis. When that operation is finished, the skier merely steps back onto the side belt, which shortly joins the main belt. The skier then exits the tunnel warmed and rarin' to bomb that mogul course. The tonier areas—Vale, Deer Valley, Chamonix—would also offer massages and provide TV screens giving a few skiing tips, the latest news headlines, and weather reports.

The Golf Shoe Breakthrough:

A round of golf is really a pleasant way to waste a few hours. Like skiing, with its venue of mountains and snow, the golf course with its vast expanses of green grass, woods, and water just has to provide attractive surroundings. Furthermore, one doesn't need any talent to enjoy the game. As professional golfer Jimmy Demaret once noted: "Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being any good at them." However, except as practiced by the professionals and a few top amateurs, golf is a very sedentary sport. Players ride around in carts that also carry their golf bags. The last remaining vestige of exercise—pacing the distance from one's ball to the nearest marker—has been eliminated by equipping the carts with GPS satellite navigation systems, which tell the players at all times the distance to the green.

Many a foursome has been accurately labeled "the belly brigade," and many a golfer hasn't seen his feet in years. One of the many golf stories (the number of golf stories is exceeded only by those about lawyers) concerns a portly golfer having his annual physical exam. The doctor, having just finished examining his patient's private area, notices his very large girth and says, "Looks like we're going to have to diet." "Dye it?" the upset golfer screams, "My God, what color is it now?"